JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
