I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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