Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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