I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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