I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
