We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
