Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
