I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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