I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
