I just pynch a tree in the face
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
