dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
