Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
