just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're too hungover to prance.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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