Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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