based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Farmville is her only friend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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