We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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