um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
