wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
