I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
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You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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