Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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