I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize