Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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