dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
