You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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