I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Even my vagina gasped.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
