Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
