"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
