He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
