Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
