Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
