You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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