That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
