ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
