I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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