Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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