he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
