The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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