are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
