Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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