I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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