you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize