And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize