My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
