apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
