Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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