Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
