Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm at about main and main street
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
