The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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