So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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