Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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