in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His hands were made for my vagina.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
