Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
