so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated