I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy