At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
