Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.