I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.