We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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