Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
