Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
