I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
