i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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