I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
