There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I smell like Dick and happiness
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
