Got a toothbrush?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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