Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
