I'm sorry my penis didn't work
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We just shotgunned beers for America
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
