I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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