we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
