Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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