Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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