Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
