so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
