Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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